I thought of writing this article when I was counselling my patient for a couple of days recently. He was going through a very difficult identity crisis of sorts and was struggling to cope with life’s challenges. His disconnect with himself got him in trouble. He could not connect with his family, his environment or his friends.

During the session, a couple of questions were posed to him.

Who decides how much to respect you ?
Whom do you turn to for feeling good and to feel wanted ?
Who do you think decides your life ?
Who decides how you live ?

He was shocked by these questions and could not face them.
My question is, aren’t these questions relevant to all of us ? Our value today is largely determined by the compulsive behavioral demands of society. Most would be in denial, but within oneself will be this strong yearning for acceptance and for being recognized as a part of our social group. We fear being ostracized. There is peer pressure as well as a societal pressure.

When we can’t ascertain value to ourselves, how can we give value to others.


It’s a question. Just a question….!!

But who decides who you are?

Your activity???
Your thoughts, ???
Others thoughts about you ??
Others opinion about who you are – Based on ;

1. Where you live
2. What you do
3. Where your parents lived
4. Where your children study or work
5. What your children do for a living
6. What you do for a living
7. What car you own
8. What consumer durable you own
9. What brand of clothes you wear

Do you have to be someone for anybody?

Does your value get determined by others?

Let me give you this simple example to demonstrate our mental programming;

When we see a child on the street, we try to locate the parents. When we do not know who they are, the child remains a casual mystery. When the parents are known, and depending on who they are, and what strata of society they belong to, you unconsciously assign a value and status of the child in your mind.

This is so automatic and programmed in our minds that we do not even think about it. What we do to others, others do onto us too. But what we need to understand here is that this is not normal but a well rehearsed mental game unconsciously played by us to feel safe and secure, in a cocoon.

To add to the confusion are the so called modern Gurus who try to encourage our inner fears by posing in their colourful attire. They often talk of all lofty dreams and a give a heightened Spiritual feeling that the public croons up to them for comfort and solace.

They encourage you to sing, dance and let go, leaving you feeling a lofty Spiritual high. And when you are in that ecstatic mood, they sell you their goodies. These are nothing but social Gurus in fancy dress. They represent your emotional attire; to be free and radical. They become your free expression.

What is most important for you is for you to recognise yourself… Let go of all mental fixations. What other think of you is none of your business. Your value is not judged by others, but is a substratum of your own happiness with yourself. It is to be experienced without any condition. Cherish your inner hero. Radiate in your own self importance.

Do know that you have been sent to this planet with a purpose. You do not have a duplicate or a clone. You are a unique entity with your own purpose to fulfill.

Begin to understand yourself. A few affirmations written below can help you ascertain your space and entrench your self esteem and dignity firmly onto the soil you are standing on.

Repeat loudly to yourself. Follow up in action with pride. Know that you are God’s child, as unique and powerful as anyone else on this planet.

i gain value from my own understanding of what is important for me

I gain value when I contribute to society in a way which will makes me happy and empowered

I feel important when I contribute to someone’s life without ego or expectations

I add value to my life when I serve with empathy and compassion

I gain respect because of all the above things


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